Twilight Big Brother!
by AlwaysMoreFun
Summary: Who doesn't want to read about the Twilight Characters being crammed into a house together! Who knows, Mike Newton may do a lap dance just for you! VOLUNTEERS NEEDED STILL ALWAYS WILLING FOR MORE! Review &   Read, I promise it is funny.
1. Chapter 1

**Heeeeeeyyyyyooooo everyoneeee!**

**Yeah I have kind of abandoned most of my stories :/ But I will try to continue with Who I Am since it is most my most developed and popular :) :)**

**But I have a new story for you! Yes I know this chapter of it is miny as shit butttt, I needed it to be, it's just to get your attention really, and to get all the volunteers I need for my story for it to continue :) :)**

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**Anywho, Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Jacob Black or Taylor Lautner and their hot shirtless glory, I also do not own Edward Cullen and his hot Bronze hair, but I am quite happy I don't own neither, RPattz, Bella or KStew O_o *Shudder* Bella.**

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AG101 – Hello and welcome to Twilight Big Brother everyone! I am Awesome Girl 101, your host for the show! I would like you all to give a round of applause to ME and my non-exsitant co-host! Who will exist after we find a volunteer! –winks as crowd applauds-, now bitches! ON WITH THE SHOW! Let's welcome our first contestant… -pauses for dramatic effect as everyone in the crowd holds their breath- Bella Swan!

-loud applause erupts through the crowd from all directions as Bella stumbles her way onto the stage only tripping over twice-

Bella – Hi everyone –looks away shyly- I'm Bella.

Audience Member – NO JOKE!

Edward – -appears at the side of the stage- SHUT THE HELL UP! –runs back off the stage-

Bella - -sighs in awe along with half of the audience-

AG101 - -gags- Anyway Bella, tell us something about yourself! –mumbles under breath- not that we don't already know your love of hurting hot werewolves…

Bella – Um, well… -looks away shyly again- I love Edward.

AG101 - -rolls eyes- and…?

Bella – Uh, my best friend is Jacob?

AG101 – yes, but what about YOU? No one cares about Edward, -is interrupted by hisses from the crowd- OH CALM THE HELL DOWN! I was going to say, no one cares about Edward RIGHT NOW we want to hear about you.

Bella – Well… I live with my dad Charlie, and I'm terribly shy…

AG101 – Really, I never noticed…

-hissing comes from backstage-

AG101 – anyway, you may jump onto that little golf caddy over there and enter the house! –Cracks a devious smile- your other house guests will be joining you later-

Bella – Okay, it was nice meeting you, I'd better go… -walks clumsily off stage and onto the golf caddy-

AG101 – Alright! Now what did we all think of Bella? –gestures at the spot where the caddy was a minute ago- How long do we think she will last?

-Loud screams erupt from the crowd-

Audience Member – SHE WAS TOO SHY!

AM # 2 – SHE NEEDS TO TALK MORE!

AM #3 – I LOVE JACOB!

AM #4 – JACOB IS GAY! I LOVE EDWARD!

AM #3 – TAKE THAT THE HELL BACK!

Edward – ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! BELLA IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER IN THE…

AM #3 – OH SHUT THE HELL UP!

-Edward sulks off stage as the fighting continues in the audience-

AG101 – Okay, everyone calm down! –Gets hissed at- Alright… let's um… LET'S MEET OUR NEXT HOUSE CONTESTANT YES?

-the audience silences and looks at the stage expectantly-

AG101 – Okay, our next contestant is…

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**Whoop! What did you think? Love it? Of course you did ;)**

**Anyway so I need volunteers for some roles! Please either PM or write in a review if you are interested! You need to send me this:**

**Desired Name For Story:**

**Desired Role (Co-Host/Friday Night Live Host/Housemate/Random Fangirl/Or Other [Trust me, the others will be quite interesting ;)]):**

**Favourite Twilight Character:**

**Least Favourite Character:**

**That is all for now! :D :D Thankyou and please review/volunteer ! :) :) :)**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101 - Ninja.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! I know, two updates in two days! How amazing am I? ;)**

**So this chapter is still a little weird and random and short, but I am still looking for a co-host! Please, PLEASE volunteer for it, it will only make the story better, and you get to be in the story on a permanent basis... ;)**

**Anwho Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, I did not dream about vegetarian vampies and make up Bella -snickers- so, I just like to flog them off and turn them into my little puppets for your amusement, enjoy :D**

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_AG101 – Okay, our next contestant is… _-pauses once again for dramatic effect- The totally gorgeous, over-protective, slightly stalkerish, One and only, EDWARD CULLEN!

-Cheers and wolf whistles erupted from the crowds, two or three girls fainted and most were swooning over him-

Edward- -walks awkwardly onto the stage- Uh, hi everyone?

AM #1 – OMGOSH I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU! YOU'RE TOTALLY GORGEOUS! PLEASE, PLEASE BITE ME! BITE ME SO I CAN BE WITH YOU FOREVER! PLEASE!

AM #2 – NO! HE'S MINE!

AM #1 – OH REALLY? You wanna go bitch? –Holds up fists-

AM# 2 – Oh yeah, bring it on! –Holds up fists-

AM #1 – I already brought it upon you and yo mamma's sisters!

AM #2 – that didn't even make sense… -pauses slightly- oh well, -launches fist into AM#1's face- YEAH TAKE THAT!

AG101 – OMG. SECURITY!

-Security guards run into the crowd and drag the two audience members away kicking and screaming, one seemed to be missing an eye…-

AG101 - -sighs- they don't pay me enough for this…

Edward – I know right –Pinches Bridge of his nose as girls swoon in the crowd-

AM #3 – Hey I saw you swoon just then! Don't even think about it, he's mine!

AM #4 – no he's mine!

Edward – OMG, not again! –Starts to hyperventilate-

AG101 – Um… -awkwardly rubs Edward's back- there, there… I'm sure they fight over Jacob like this too…

-Edward looked at AG101 with accusing eyes-

Edward – You're a _Jacob _fan? –He squeaked angrily- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

AG101 – Um… -is stunned- uh, yes…? Jacob's hot…?

Edward – TRAITOR! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU TOUCH ME! YOU FILTHY… _DOG _LOVER! –Broke down in tears- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIKE THAT MONGREL! My life, love, meaning, OVER! –Runs off the stage towards the golf caddy crying-

AG101 - -stands there stunned- um… what the hell just happened?

-Everyone in the audience shrugs-

AG101 – okay… let's move on to our next guest shall we? –Mutters under breath- hopefully they're saner than that weirdo…

-All of a sudden Just to Rebellious runs onto the stage carrying a cup of coffee winking and walking seductively-

JTR – here's your coffee! –Hands cup to AG101, winks to the crowd again-

AG101 – What the hell is this? –Looks at the cup in disgust- I HATE COFFEE!

JTR – No, you said you love it, -pulls out piece of paper- I have it written right here –hands the paper to AG101-

AG101 – Hmm… -reads the paper- Ahh, here it is, it says… -reads more closely- DAMN ME AND MY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN! –Throws mug of coffee into crowd- I WANT A HOT CHOCOLATE DAMMIT!

JTR - -is shocked into silence-

AG101 - -growls- I _said, _I want a cup of HOT CHOCOLATE!

-JTR is physically frozen-

AG101 – NOW! GO GET ME MY HOT CHOCOLATE OR HELP ME GOD!

-JTR rushes off stage-

AG101 – geez, that took a while –turns to audience who are visibly shocked- our next guest is the shirtless, the alpha, THE HOTTEST FREAKING BIDDIE IN THE WORLD, the one AND only, JACOB HOTSHIT BLACK!

-Jacob runs onto stage grinning hugely and waving at the crowd-

AG101 – huh… -begins to hyperventilate before slapping self in face to regain control- Hi Jacob… -drools-

Jacob – Hi Awesome Girl 101, -flashes a grin at her- I must say, you are an _amazing _host, and I totally love your shoes guuuurrrllll.

AG101 – Omgosh… don't faint, don't faint, don't faint. –Looks at Jacob- don't faint, don't faint, don't faint.

Jacob – You look so hot right now.

AG101 – omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg.

-JTR runs back on stage with a cup of hot chocolate and hands it to AG101-

JTR – here it is! Its hot chocolate this time I promise! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

Jacob – well hey pretty lady…

JTR – Omgosh. –Hyperventilates then faints on the floor-

AG101 – MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!

Jacob – I know CPR!

JTR - *Cough* do mouth to mouth *cough*

Jacob – I should do mouth to mouth, I don't know why but I seem to have the urge to…

AG101 – wow Jacob, you're so smart and strong and hot and… -drools again.

Jacob – Why thankyou, -is about to do Mouth to Mouth when Carlisle rushes on stage-

Carlisle – I heard someone fainted! I'm here to help!

JTR – DAMMIT CARLISLE! HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS ME! –Runs off stage crying-

-Jacob and Carlisle are stunned into silence-

AG101 – I feel your pain! –calls after JTR then talks to self- get a grip, -throws the hot chocolate in her face-, ouch, that was hot. So Jacob, -sigh- I think you should catch your caddy to the house, and remember to shower without a shirt on –whacks self in head- it's hotter that way, I mean yummier, I mean sexier, I mean, OMG!

Jacob – yeah okay… I'll be going now… -runs for caddy screaming- GO, GO, GO!

Carlisle – so no one actually needs help?

AG101 - *sigh*

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**Well that's two more out the way! **

**What did you think? Please review! :D :D**

**And please please! _AUDITION FOR MY CO-HOST! _YOU GET TO BE PERMANENT AND YOU CAN PM ME IF YOU HAVE IDEAS ON THE STORY! Well anyone can do that last part but... JUST DO IT OKAY!**

**Love always, AG101 xxxxxx.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyy everyone! I know, three chapters in two days! How friggin' awesome am I? Well I guess my name is Awesome Girl 101... but that's besides the point! Anyway, I think you will all enjoy this one, it's a little random and retarded, but that's the point of the story aha. I'm still looking for that _Co-Host_ *wink wink* I would really love one! Please volunteer for it!**

**Disclaimer: No sadly, I am not Steph Meyer, I would love to own Twilight (AND BE STINKING RICH) But I do not own Twilight nor am I (STINKY RICH) I just manipulate them into going onto a game show where I make them do random retarded shit. Thankyou.**

**Awesome Girl 101.**

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AG101 – Hey guys! Welcome back to Twilight Big Brother! –applause breaks out from the crowd- Now everyone, we will be checking in down at the house soon with our guests when they arrive, Bella is about ten minutes off arriving at the house, as soon as we find a co-host they will be down there to speak with her, but as for now, it's just me –pouts-

-A round of sympathy erupts from the audience-

AG101 – any who, onto our next guest, -pauses once again for dramatic effect, but ends up bursting out laughing- ! It's… it's…. ! M… mama… ma… miiikk… mike…. Mike Newton! AHAHAHAHAH!

-Mike runs onto stage as audience bursts out into laughter, everyone is laughing so much that even some Team Edward girls are laughing with Team Jacob girls in the pure hate of Mike Newton-

AG101 – AHAHAHAHAHA!

Mike – Well hello everyone! –smiles massive grin at crowd and then at AG101 which only causes more laughter- I know I'm hilarious right! –Smiles at the laughter- I'm just so funny! EVERYONE LOVES THE NEWTON!

AG101 – Ha… hahaha…. –calms down enough to speak coherent words- Hi… Mike AHAHAHAHAHA.

Mike – god, why does everyone think I'm so funny, I haven't even cracked my Bella loves Mike jokes yet… oh well –laps up the attention- Bella won't be able to resist me after this!

AG101 – Omgosh, -stops laughing momentarily- you still think you have a chance with Bella? –Mikes nods- DUDE! She's with Edward! Why would she give up Edward and eternal love for you?

-Mike is slightly confused-

Mike – wouldn't every girl? I mean I _am _the most popular boy in FHS

AG101 – dude. I don't even think Jessica would go for you anymore.

-Jessica runs on stage hugging Mike-

Jessica – not true! I would so settle for you Mike! Please love me!

Mike – GET OFF ME JESSICA! I TOLD YOU I WON'T DATE YOU UNTIL YOU LOOK EXACTLY LOOK BELLA! GEEEZE! –Shakes Jessica off and makes a beeline for the golf caddy-

-Jessica bursts into tears and runs off stage-

AG101 – (finally calm enough) Okay everyone, wow that was funny –crowd nods in agreement- anyway, our next guest is someone I'm sure you all love.

-Audience waits in suspense-

AG101 – The small, the pixie, the shopaholic, Alice Cullen!

-Alice skips on stage holding a shopping bag and credit cards-

Alice – Hi everyone! –Waves enthusiastically- Hi Awesome Girl 101! –Hugs her hyperactively- I'm sooooooo happy to be here! I LOVE YOU ALL! –Runs around blowing kisses-

AG101 – Okay everyone! –Sits down- So Alice, tell us a little about yourself.

Alice – Well… -grins hugely- I'mninteenIdont'remembermyhumanlife'bellaismybestfriendI'minlovewithjasperandIm'themoststylishvampire'intheentireuniverse!

AG101 – and the fastest talker apparently… -smiles awkwardly- well I think that's about all we need to know, your caddy is over there, enjoy your ride to the house Alice.

Alice – EEEEEEEEEEEEE! –squeals high pitched out of excitement, runs and hugs AG101 again, runs to golf caddy- I'MSOFRIGGINEXCITED!

-Caddy drives off-

AG101 - -wipes forehead- I need a pay rise… -walks off stage-

-Emmett runs on stage pulling Esme in tow-

Emmett – We'll be right back after this tap dance from Esme everyone! –holds Esme up by her arm who is squirming uncomfortably like a baby- NOW GIVE HER A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

-Crowd claps out of pure fear-

Emmett – that's the spirit! –Turns to Esme- NOW DANCE PUPPET!

Esme – You will pay for this Emmett McCarthy Cullen! –Does an Irish jig-

Emmett- go Esme go! –Claps enthusiastically-

-Carlisle runs on stage-

Carlisle – WHAT THE HELL EMMETT?

Emmett – Eeeep. –Runs off stage at vampire speed with Carlisle in tow-

Carlisle – COME BACK HERE DAMMIT! -shakes fist angrily like an old man with gun-

Esme - -shrugs- oh well –continues dance-

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**Sooooo? How was it? Probably not my best work, but ahhh well.**

**Please review! I love them! I lap them up like Mike laps up attention! :D :D :D**

**So please please, PLEASE REVIEW! MAKE ME FEEL LOVED! AND AUDITION TO BE MY CO-HOST! I WANT ONE! GIVE BABY MY BOTTLE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE I BEG YOU!**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Yes I am back with a new chapter! haha. Here is the fourth awesome chapter in the Twilight Big Brother series ;)**

**Disclaimer - No I do not own Twilight, I just make them do stupid things and entertain me! Why? BECAUSE I THE HELL CAN GEEEESH! **

**Enjoy!**

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AG101 – Hello and welcome back everyone! –Crowd applauses manically- I have exciting news! –Pauses for dramatic effect- I HAVE A CO-HOST WEEEE! –smiles massive grin while crowds wolf whistles and cheers- This means we can check in with our guests as they arrive down at the house! YAYAYAYAY! So, let's check in with my new co-host Alice Cullen 3 as she waits at the gate for Bella to arrive!

-Switches to the house gates-

AC3 – Hello everyone! I'm Alice Cullen 3! And I'm totally amazing and superior to all of you! NOW BOW AT MY FEET! –Watches as minions bow down at her feet- Ahh, sweet success!

-Bella's caddy pulls up-

AC3 – here's our first housemate! –watches as Bella stumbles out of Caddy tripping over a leaf, rock, armadillo, tree, koala, vampire fetus and pig- Over here Bella.

Bella – Hi… -mumbles shyly- I'm… I'm Bella…

AC3 – -sighs- yes we've already established that, now let us know, are you excited about spending possibly weeks with Edward in this big house here?

Bella – Really? –eyes light up- they told me that we'd be on separate ends of the house and that I'd be forced into a room with Jasper the entire time, -jumps up and down- YAY I GET MY EDDIKINS!

AC3 - -turns to camera- you hear that Forks, she gets her Eddikins! –Pushes Bella through the gates as they open- run along now, go have run, go make vampire babies!

Bella – I will! –Runs through the door at the speed of a hyperactive toddler-

AC3 – What a sweet girl –smiles- back to you Awesome Girl 101! Edward's caddy doesn't arrive for another minute. –sighs- Edward…

AG101 – Okay everyone! Isn't she wonderful! –crowd applauses- good crowd… okay on to our next guest! You may all know him as the 'mysterious one' but really when I think of him I think of a weird constipated weirdo who must be in a lot of pain… anyway, welcome Jasper Whitlock-Hale everyone!

-applause erupts from the crowd as Jasper walks onto the stage frowning and looking as though he really needs a good crap-

AG101 – Hello Jasper!

Jasper – Hello.

AG101 – -nods-… so tell us about yourself.

Jasper – I want to eat humans.

AG101 – uh… -looks scared- that's nice… -whispers into walky talky- maeday, maeday!

-security runs on stage carrying Jasper towards golf caddy-

Jasper – I'll be back! –quotes 'Charmed'- Fear _always _comes back!

AG101 – STOP STEALING FROM CHARMED YOU BASTARD! –attacks Jasper-

-Jasper runs away as fast as possible-

AG101 – Yeah, that's what I thought… -turns back to crowd- anyway, wasn't he lovely?

-crowd nods in unision-

AG101 – alrighty, on to our next guest! –smiles wide- you may know these two girls as the dizty bitches of Forks High School, -crowd nods- well you're completely right! Please welcome, Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory everyone!

-Lauren and Jessica walk onto the stage in six inch stilettos, tank tops, slut skirts and fishnet stockings-

-boos erupt from the crowd-

Lauren – oh my god, they're like, so happy to see me! –waves to crowd-

Jessica – no they're like, so happy, to like, see me, everyone like, loves me, like, even Edward, -pushes Lauren out the way and begins to blow kisses-

AM#1 – WE DON'T LIKE LAUREN!

-Jessica smirks-

AM#1 – OR JESSICA!

-Lauren smirks-

AG101 – okay, so um… are you guys excited? –whispers into walky talky- why the hell did they come out together?

Lauren – OHMIGOSH YES! I get to spend like, a month with like, my Eddikins! He like, soooo, loves me, I mean, who doesn't!

AG101 – oh-kay. You do know he's marrying Bella right?

-Lauren bursts out in tears-

Lauren – I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME! –runs to golf caddy crying- I'M GONNA KILL THAT BITCH! DRIVE DAMMIT!

-AG101 and Jessica stand there dumbfounded-

Jessica – yeah, she's like, semi-retarded, I like, don't even know why I'm like, friends with her, I'll like, keep Bella safe from her or something.

AG101 - -hands Jessica knife- *Cough* help Lauren *cough*

Jessica – I understand –smiles widely as AG101 returns smile- we have a plan –shake hands-

AG101 – alright, you'd better get going to um… yeah, bye Jess! –waves as Jessica gets onto caddy and drives off- what a nice girl.

-crowd rolls their eyes-

AG101 – okay let's check in with Alice Cullen 3 down at the house!

-camera switches back to AC3-

AC3 – hey guys! So Edward is just arriving, here he is, the man of my heart, I mean dreams, I mean the hour.

-Edward gets out of the caddy and makes way over to AC3-

Edward – hey Alice Cullen 3! –smiles and waves at her- so nice to meet you!

AC3 - *Swoon* So Edward, -sigh- are you looking forward to spending time with Bella in the house?

Edward – yes, as long as she doesn't try and jump me to have sex with her again, I don't want to kill her, I may hurt her, I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF IF THAT HAPPENED! WHY DOESN'T SHE UNDERSTAND? –freaks out and pulls his own hair-

AC3 – it's okay honey, -pats back- it's all going to be alright.

Edward – you're not in love with Jacob like Awesome Girl 101 are you? –looks cautious-

AC3 – psh no, team Edward all the way.

Edward – YAY! I feel loved again! –smiles and jumps up and down like a school girl-

AC3 - *sigh*, anyway, I think it's time for you to go into the house! –opens the gate- It was nice to meet you.

Edward – you too Alice Cullen 3, did you know my sister is called Alice Cullen…?

AC3 – goodbye Edward –shakes head-.

Edward – bye!

AC3 – Back to you Awesome Girl 101!

AG101 – Okay, well we'll be right back with our next guest! See ya next time!

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**Sooooo?**

**What did you think? Was it alright? You know how much I love _REVIEWS! _So please give me some! :D :D**

**Anyway, love always, Awesome Girl 101. I still need more volunteers :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes, I know it's short, but this is my holiday present to you all, it's rather random and off topic but I didn't have much time to do it in, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight in all it's Jacob Black hottness glory, as much as I wish (Apprantly genies don't grant those anymore!) I'm not stinking rich with a best selling book series -sad face- **

**Merry Christmas all! :)**

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AG101 – Hello and welcome back! This is, TWILIGHT BIG BROTHER BITCHES! Anyway, I would like to say a special message, -puts on santa hat- MERRY ROBERT PATTINSON AND A HAPPY NEW MOON! –winks- now let's get on with the show, our next guest out is –pauses for dramatic effect- The one, the only, the big giant buffoon, Emmett Cullen!

-Emmett runs on stage pumping his fist in the ear sporting reindeer antlers and elf ears-

Emmett – Merry Christmas to all! –gets out candy canes- four for you Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco!

AG101 – Hello Emmett! –squeals in excitement-

Emmett - -still handing out candy canes- And none for Gretchen Wiener, -runs to Awesome Girl 101 giving her a huge bear hug- AWESOME GIRL! HOW YOU BEEN GUUUUURRRLLL?

AG101 – Cant…. Breathe…. –is released by Emmett- uh… awesome? –laughs at her own joke-

Emmett - -cracks up laughing- You're so funny guuuurrrllll! –flicks elf ear- I feel like Alice!

AG101 - -rolls eyes- So Emmett, what are you looking forward to the most in the house?

Emmett – Uh, -sits down and crosses legs like hot stewartist- having alone time with my Rosie, without some stupid MIND READER eavesdropping on me all the time, I mean geeesh! Privacy issues much!

AG101 – I feel your pain… -pats back-

Emmett – I mean, he's just so gay! What kind of person SPARKLES?

AG101 – uh… you do?

Emmett – HOW DARE YOU! –points finger in accusation- I SHIMMER not SPARKLE! GET IT RIGHT!

AG101 – I'm Sorry! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! –runs away screaming-

Emmett – Yeah, ANYONE ELSE SCARED OF ME?

-audience screams in terror-

Emmett – Muahahahaahhaha!

-Esme runs on stage-

Esme – Emmett McCarthy Cullen! STOP SCARING THESE POOR PEOPLE OR SO HELP ME GOD!

Emmett – eep! –runs to golf caddy- RETREAT!

-caddy drives off-

AG101 – is he gone? –walks back on stage- sorry about that folks, anyway, have a merry Christmas and a happy new year! Love always the people at the Twilight Big Brother company!

-Rudolf runs on stage-

Rudolf – let's sing everyone!

-crowd and twilight members run on stage to form massive choir-

Rudolf – a, 1, 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4.

Everyone – Rudolf the red nosed Werewolf! Had a very shiny nose,

Emmett - -runs back on stage- LIKE A VAMPIRE!

Everyone – and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.

Emmett – LIKE A VAMPIRE!

Everyone – all of the other werewolves, used to laugh and call him names,

Emmett – LIKE JACOB!

Everyone – they never let poor Jacob, we mean Rudolf, join in any werewolf games,

Emmett – LIKE VAMPIRE SLAYING!

Everyone – then one foggy La Push day, Sammmmm can to sayyyy,

Emmett – G'day!

Everyone – Jacob, we mean Rudolf, with your grandpa so powerful, won't you steal my pack from me.

Emmett – MOTORBIKE… oh we're not doing that…

Everyone – Then all the werewolves loved him,

Emmett – No one loves Jacob!

Everyone – As they shouted out with glee,

Emmett – SKIPPY!

Everyone – Jacob, we mean Rudolf, the red nosed werewolf, you'll go down in history,

Emmett – Like Ephrim Blackkkkk, do do do do di do. DAAAAAA!

-dramatic finish-

Everyone including Emmett – HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW MOON! WHOOOOOOOPPPPP!

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**Howw was it?**

**Again I appologise for how short it is :/**

**Review please! It will make my christmas! :) MERRY CHRISTMAS! LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heyy guys : ) Hope you all had an awesome christmas! What did everyone get from Santa? ;) This is my new years gift to you all, and my Fanfic New Years resolution is going to be to keep updating like this reguarily until the end of summer, then I go to boarding school and won't have basically any time to update, I'll try to on the weekends I'm home though, but I'll try to finish this story by the end of summer alright? :) Love you all!**

**Disclaimer - I am not Steph Meyer, I do not own Twilight or any of it's hot werewolves, i do not own the Clearwater's and all their Clearwater awesomeness, I do not own Taylor and his hot naked chestness, but I do however, own the Twilight Big Bro idea and the need to make them insane and angry ;)**

**Enjoy, Awesome Girl 101.**

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AG101 – Hello everyone! Welcome back to Twilight Big Brother, I am your host, Awesome Girl 101 -crowd cheers-, our next guest up today really loves her own reflection, being mean to poor Jakey, hates blond jokes which I happen to love, loves to steal babies and if we're in all honesty… I think that Kristen Stewart is prettier than her… but here is, -pauses for dramatic effect- Rosalie Lillian Hale!

-Rosalie walks on stage doing a model strut, she pouts at the audience-

Rosalie – ew, comminers.

-crowd bares teeth and hisses-

AG101 – calm down guys! Do we really want Emmett to come back and kill us? –crowd shuts up, AG101 whispers- we'll take turns at her later once Emmett's arrived at the house, -crowd smiles deviously in agreement-

Rosalie – anyway, can we get this over with? I'm Rosalie, I'm hot, yadda yadda yadda, goodbye everyone, don't vote me out bitches, I'm married to Emmett.

AG101 – turns later, turns later, turns later –crowd waits patiently- turns later, turns later.

-Rosalie leaves on golf caddy-

AG101 – well, that was quick, -looks after caddy- if we run now I bet we can catch her before she reaches the house! –sighs- anyway, let's check down with Alice Cullen 3 and see who's arrived at the house now.

-camera switches down the house gates-

AC3 – hey everyone! Did you all have an amazingly merry Twilight Christmas? I sure did –winks- anyway, here comes Jacob! –gets out stabby stick- trying to steal Bella from Edward, he will pay, he will pay dammit…

Jacob – Hey Alice Cullen 3! How are you? How was your Christmas? –smiles giantly- It's so nice to meet you!

AC3 – DIE DAMMIT! –gets out stabby stick and tries to attack Jacob- YOU BELLA STEALER!

Jacob – HOLYSHIT! RUN! –runs away towards the house-

-Team Jacob fan jumps in front of AC3-

TJF – NOOOOO! RUN JAKEY WAKEY! I'LL SAVE YOU! –attacks AC3- STAY AWAY FROM MY JAKEY!

Jacob – this shit is crazy – runs into the house-

TJF – Goodbye my love! –disapears again-

AC3 – Well that was no fun! SHE WILL PAY FOR RUINING MY CHANCE AT REVENGE! –Pouts- Back to you AG101.

-camera switches back to AG101-

AG101 – I really need to check who I'm hiring before I give them the job, so many crazies… -looks to audience- alright, our next guest is… -pauses again- OMGOSH! LEAH CLEARWATER!

-Leah walks on stage waving bitterly-

AG101 – Hi Leah, Lee-Lee, I love you and Seth!

Leah – Well obviously SAM doesn't love me, I wasn't GOOD ENOUGH for him, SEE THAT SAM, AT LEAST SOMEONE LOVES ME!

AG101 – O_o alright –sits down- are you looking forward to going into the house?

Leah – yeah, and have to be stuck with Sam for however many weeks, joyous fun, highlight of my life, -scowls- the only reason I'm going on this stupid show is because Seth wanted to and I didn't want to leave him alone in a house full of leeches by himself, I need to protect my little bro.

AG101 - -nods- I understand… well… nice meeting you… bye?

Leah – yeah, whatever –walks to golfcaddy and leaves-

AG101 – anyway, have a Happy New Year everyone! I'll be back next time, love you all, I love you, love for ever and always like Taylor Swift, -waves enthusiastically- GOODBYE!

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**Howwww was it? REVIEW please, I love them, they make me giddy ;) And if I could ask a huge favour and ask you guys to check out my other two stories? A Day In The Life Of Emmett McCarthy if you would like another funny one, or if you want something more serious, Responsibilty Of Love, thanks guys! Love you all! : )**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Helloooo everyone! Guess what? IT'S TWO-THOUSAND-AND-ELEVEN! I thought it would make a bigger point written like that ;) **

**Can you believe it? I can't, it's friggin' amazing! I go to boarding school in a month, I'm starting to get scared/excited/freaked out, haha, I kind of don't think it's real xD I have a feeling that this year is going to rock, for all of us :D How was everyone's New Years? Was it good? Mine was :) Anyway, apart from being gay and basically talking to myself xD I do love you guys who review, you make me so happy, I have a few reviewers who have reviewed every chapter so far as far as I can tell, so I would like to give a special shoutout to them, they are;**

**AliceCullen3, Myalice, Alimor The Crazy Bitch. I think that's all, kind of depressing compaired to other peoples stories but I'm just happy that someone reads and reviews :)**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight, I do however own Twilight Big Bro and my amazing funny abilities ;) **

**Enjoy!**

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AG101 – HELLO EVERYBODY! OMG! IT'S 2011! AHHHHHHH! –Screams in joy- I'm getting older, oh no, we're all going to die of old age! –Runs around screaming- somebody! Turn me into a vampire, I want to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive! –Thrashes on floor-

-Carlisle walks on stage and prods AG101 with a stick-

Carlisle – nope, she's fine, someone just needs to feed her some chocolate, -holds up haighs chocolate frog- here you go, eat it up, here comes the aeroplane.

-AG101 eats the chocolate frog-

Carlisle – that's a good girl –pats head- alrighty, bye everyone –walks back offstage-

AG101 – sorryyyy about that. -looks around awkwardly to see if anyone noticed, they did- Alright, our next guest, and first guest for the year I'M SO FRIGGIN EXCITED, issssss –dramatic pause- OMG –jumps up and down in excitement- SETH CLEARWATER MY IDOL.

-Seth runs on stage waving happily-

Seth – hey everyone! I'm so happy to be here! –sticks hand out to AG101- hi Awesome Girl 101! I love this show, you're so much better than Gretel!

AG101 – awe shucks –blushes and shakes hand- you're like my favouriteeeee Twilight character!

Seth – THANKYOU! –Jumps up and down- SOMEBODY FINALLY CHOOSES TEAM SETH! –Does jazz hands-

AG101 – wait, wait, and hold the phone and all that jazz. –Seth stops- _that _–points to Seth's jazz hand- is _not _a jazz hand, -does on jazz hand- _this _is a jazz hand!

Seth - -stares in amazement- oh. My. God! Teach me your ways oh wise one!

-AG101 and Seth do jazz hands for the next fifteen minutes-

Seth – let's be best friends forever and ever!

AG101 – OMS! YEEESSSSSS! –does secret handshake with Seth- BFFAA!

Seth – YAYYYYYYYY! –Hands AG101 a friendship bracelet- here is your bracelet! Yay I finally have a friend my age who isn't a werewolf who beats me up!

AG101 – alright, well I think it's time you go into the house, call me betch –winks-

Seth – I sooo will, -walks to caddy- bye everyone, BFFAA! –Waves as caddy drive off-

AG101 – wasn't Seth sooo cooollll? Like maybe even KWL? –Crowd nods in agreement- good crowd. –Crowd purrs- allllrightyyy, so our next guest isssss, -once again pauses, she loves that shit- Sam Uley! Some of his hobbies enjoy leading a pack, breaking girl's hearts, and having wild unprotected you know what with Emily. Here he is guys!

-Sam walks on stage receiving boos from the Team Clearwater members while receiving declarations of love from the Team Uley + Young members-

Sam – hey guys –broods- I'm a big scary werewolf and I'm depressed.

-Crowd cheers-

AG101 – hello Samuel, how is your day? –Asks in formal voice, Sam stares at her menacingly- that good, aye? Awesome!

-Sam stands there and broods some more-

AG101 – well, okay, goodbye, you're making me awkward and I'm Team Clearwater. –Sam stands there still- LEAVE BEFORE I TORCH YOUR ARSE WITH A FLAME THROWER!

-Sam runs away like a little girl with a tail between his legs-

AG101 – what a nice boy.

-Crowds boos after Sam-

AG101 – alright, that raps up this show for this show for this show for this show for this SHOW.

-Crowd stares in confusion-

AG101 – sorry, my feeder screwed up and kept repeating that ending over and over. –Crowd nods sympathetically- alright, happy second day of 2011! I LOVE YOU ALL BETCHES! Now, I have to go call my new best friend –holds out phone- we're tight as yo.

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**How was it? Probs an epic fail, but ahhh well. Yes, a little spaz and random, but that's my style ;) So I love Seth so much because he actually is my age, or a year older, big diff. And BFFAA means; Best Friend Forever And Always, just thought I'd clear that up haha. And I don't have anything against Sam, I have just always wanted to torch someone, virtually or real life, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity xD**

**Have an amazing 2011 guys!**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**

**PS. I LOVE REVIEWS.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! :) :) How are you enjoying your year so far? Mines going great thanks for asking ;) Anyway, I know it's been ten days but I've been super busy updating my other stories and stuff, I'm trying to keep them all regular with updates :) I would deeply appreciate it if you guys checked out my two other stories? **

**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6578065/1/Responsibility_Of_Love**

**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6390056/1/A_Day_In_The_Life_Of_Emmett_Cullen**

**Thankyou! Would be deeeeepplyyy appreciated! Anyway, since I love you all here's an extra retardedly random chapter! ;)**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight and it's wingey characters. I do however own amazingly hypo Alice and spastic Emmett, I also own the crowd and myself, obviously.**

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AG101 – Hey everyone! Welcome back to Twilight Big Brother! –crowd screams appropriately- I've taught you well. –crowd accepts praise- anyway, after last show I went and called my new best friend Seth, and guess what?

-the room goes silent-

AG101 – WOW I've really outdone myself with you guys! –imaginary pats on the head- to the point! He said… HE WILL COME OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR ONE DAY AND LET ONE OF _YOU _GO IN HIS PLACE!

-crowd screams-

AG101 – I KNOW IT'S SO EXCITING! –crowd calms down- now you can all chill out since I already know who's going in after Seth has been there for a week, -disappointment goes through the audience- whatever, you will all love them –winks-.

-crowd stays sad-

AG101 – I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WILL LOVE THEM, NOW BE HAPPY! –crowd perks up- good pretties. Now onto our next guest, this girl loves to try to steal Edward and has 'Strawberry blond hair' psht, it's just another way to say Ranga. –dramatic pause- Welcome! Tanya Denali! Other wise known as the evil cheerleader bitch in most fanfics!

-Tanya walks on stage experiencing a round of boos from the crowd-

Tanya – Wassup Y'all?

-crowd hisses-

AG101 – now guys, that isn't anyway to treat a lady or a guest. –holds up tomato- this is, -pelts tomato at Tanya- MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Tanya – EEEEEPPPPP! MY HAIR! YOU'RE MAKING IT RED!

AG101 – IT'S RANGA YOU MORON! –throws another tomato and gets Tanya in the gut- AND YOU ALREADY HAVE RED HAIR!

-crowd cheers in amusement-

AG101 – if you look under your seats you will find some tomatoes stashed under there.

-crowd gets out tomatos and begins pelting Tanya-

AG101 – muahahaha, it's all according to plan! Have you had enough Tanya? –Tanya nods- good, I have a special task for you while in the house.

Tanya – yes? –dodges tomato-

AG101 – that you steal Edward from Bella while Jessica does something to Bella…

Tanya – oh, I do that anyway. –waves- bye bitches. –gets tomato thrown at head- oh god, not again! –runs away like a little bitch-

AG101 – well done guys! –hi fives every member in the audience which takes over two hours- wow, that was a dumb idea. –puffs- Well, let's catch up with AliceCullen3 while I catch my breath, hey? Oh god –falls onto the ground in exhaustion-

-Carlisle runs on stage-

Carlisle – I got it.

-camera switches to AC3-

AC3 – HEY GUYS! OMG I'M SO HYPED UP ON SUGAR! –eats more wizzfizz- WAAAHOOOOO! –starts jumping around like Alice- HYPER HYPER HYPER!

-Mike arrives in gold caddy-

AC3 – OMGOSH IT'S MIKE NEWTON!

Mike – aw shucks –blushes-

AC3 – YOU'RE THAT FAT KID THAT BELLA CALLS GOLDEN RETREIVER?

Mike – That's me. Are you a fan? –reaches for pen and paper-

AC3 – AAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAA –bursts into fit of laughter- I HATE YOU!

-Mike puts away pen and paper-

AC3 – NOW GET OUT OF HERE! –swats Mike's head towards the house- BYE MIKEY WIKEY!

-Mikes runs into the house at full speed-

AC3 – SUGAR! –takes another hit of wizzfizz- mmmm, that's the spot!

-Alice arrives in gold caddy after Mike-

AC3 – OMG! IT'S ALICE CULLEN! –almost faints- I'M IN LOVE!

-Alice runs to AC3 at super speed-

Alice – EEEPP! WE HAVE THE SAME NAME! OMGOSH! DON'T YOU JUST LOVE BEING HYPER?

AC3 – YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! DO YOU WANT SOME WIZZFIZZ? –holds out wizzfizz for Alice-

Alice – NO! –holds out credit cards- DO YOU WANT TO SHOP?

AC3 - -eyes grow wide- UMMM, -steals credit card- I'M RICH! –takes off behind a bush- MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. MUST BE FUNNY, IN A RICH MANS WORLD. –Laughs evilly- IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE I AM RICH! I LOVE BEING RICH! WHO KNEW IT WAS THIS FUN, I WOULD'VE TRIED IT YEARS AGO.

Alice – ALRIGHT. –turns to camera- I'M MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN AND THAT RAPS IT UP FOR THIS AREA OF THE SHOW, BACK TO YOU AWESOME GIRL 101.

AC3 – I'M RICHHHHHH!

-camera switches back to AG101-

AG101 - …. O_o Why do I hire these crazy people?

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**Yes guys, why DO I hire such crazies? You could answer that question if you REVIEWED. I WANT YOUR OPINION, I shit you not! I love reviews, they make my world go round (well along with chocolate and many other substances) PLEASE REVIEW. **

**REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. **

**(read my others stories too ;) )**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**

**REVIEW.**


	9. Chapter 9

Hmm, well i've been away for almost a year now! I'm so sorry guys but I actually got a life this year! Now it's summer hols and I have nothing to do so here I am, if you'll still have me. And to be honest, once the hols are over i'll be gone again, but i'll give my stories a good crack while i'm still around and have the time!

So 2011 was an eventful year, right? Well, it was for me anyway! How about you? 2012 in just a few days, that's insane! Where did the time go?

Well here is my long awaited chapter nine of Twilight Big Brother.

**Disclaimer - I do not own any of these wonderful characters I just do whatever the hell I want to them and make them love me in irrational ways! I also do not own the Vampire Diaries characters used in this chapter either! (I wish I did and that they acted as I made them but I don't and they never will). **

Enjoy!

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AG101 – Hola! Well, it's been an eventful 2011, and all I've got to say is it's almost 2012! WOW! –crowd cheers- now I know you all hate me for being absent for a whole year, the show was on hiatus! Wooo! But we are back with more turns and twists then ever! Here we go, our next guest is…

-dramatic pause, because that's what AwesomeGirl101 is all about-

AG101 – CHARLIE SWAN MY LIFE!

-crowd cheers while Charlie walks onto stage stroking his moustache-

Charlie – er, hello everyone. –nods awkwardly, brandishing his shotgun-

AG101 – hi Charlie! We're happy to have you here! –shakes his hand- since we love you and your hatred for Edward!

Charlie – well I do hate Edward… -strokes gun- yes, he will _love _my gun.

AG101 – ok Charlie! But do me a favour, -Charlie waits expectantly- stay out of Jessica and Tanya's way.

Charlie – what are they trying to do?

AG101 – nothing… -smiles innocently and mutters under breath- not trying to kill your only daughter or anything.

-Charlie smiles-

AG101 – well, it looks like you golf caddy is waiting for you!

Charlie – oh right, bye bye –waves and leaves on caddy-

AG101 – my plan is all coming together –cackles under breath evilly-

-crowd is confused by how evil AG101 is acting-

AG101 – a year can change a girl ok. –crowd nods in agreement- now onto our last guest for the show! –dramatic and overly rated pause- Jane of the Volturi!

-crowd boos manically and tries to jump onto the stage to attack Jane as she comes on stage-

Jane – oh shut up –glares at the audience member who managed to get on stage and sends freaky vampire pain power at her and makes her fall off- there, much better.

-the rest of the crowd shrinks back and hides-

AG101 – uh, Jane –clearly terrified- are you ready to go into the house?

Jane – I have no patience for your silly show, I just came simply on orders of Aro to make sure you don't expose yourselves and that the human becomes a vampire.

AG101 – oh, um… have fun! –quickly pushes Jane towards golf caddy and runs away as caddy leaves- thank god she's gone! I thought she was going to eat me.

Audience Member 1- LET'S KILL HER!

AM#2 – SHE HAS THE POWER!

AM#3 – WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

AM#1 – AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME DAMON AND STEFAN!

-Damon and Stefan Salvatore appear on stage-

AG101 – -

Stefan – We get the point.

Damon – let the lady express her love for us, it's only natural to find me sexy.

AG101 - -takes one look at Damon and starts saying OMG again-

Stefan – humans…

Damon – Elena doesn't make you say humans! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BELOVED!

Stefan – _YOUR _BELOVED? SHE'S MINE! –flies to attack Damon-

AG101 - NOOO! –steps in between Stefan and Damon and blocks Stefie with super host powers- YOU MUST NOT HARM DAMON! He's far too hot to have you ruining his face!

Damon – My hero! –runs to hug AG101-

Stefan – WTF?

-AG101 and Damon are hugging and making out-

Stefie – I'm going to find Elena now…

Damo- NOT MY BELOVED! –breaks away from AG101 and attacks Stefie with his Damo strength-

AG101 – I feel used. –sighs- if only Damo loved me like he loves Laney… -day dreams about hot vampires that don't sparkle in the sunlight-

-Damo & Stefie go after Laney back to mystic falls.-

AG101 – well, that was random and out of place considering the two vampire species have nothing in common… oh well, they're all hot. Speaking of hot, I wonder when Tyler Lockwood will show up and be a hot different sort of werewolf…

-Carlisle comes on stage-

Carlisle – I believe she is suffering from hot fictional character overload, this is serious.

AG101 – did you see Damon's pretty face? And Jacob's hot body? Mmmmm… I should call Sethy now, we're BFFAA's if you didn't know, he probably misses me. My _hot _werewolf best friend…

Carlisle – I'll take care of her, switch to you AliceCullen3

-switches to AC3-

AC3 – HI EVERYBODY!

Crowd – hi dr Alice!

AC3 – WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jasper is going to be here soon, my meant to be lover, I'm soooooo excited! He loves Alice Cullen's if you didn't already notice. OMGOMGOMGOMG this is going to be _MAGICAL._

-Jasper's caddy pulls up and he walks toward AC3-

AC3 – OMG, he's here. How's my hair?

Crowd – flawless guuuuurl!

AC3 – he's LOOKING AT ME!

Jasper – hello. –stares moodily at AC3-

AC3 - -whispers to the audience- I think we have a connection. HI JASPER LET'S GET MARRIED AND RUN AWAY TOGETHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE WERE MEANT TO BE. –talks to crowd again- I'm playing it cool, I don't want to freak him out.

Jasper – I'm already in a committed relationship.

AC3 – YOU BASTARD! –gets out giant knife- YOU BROKE MY HEART!

Jasper – I'm bored, I'll be entering the house now. –walks to house-

AC3 – YEAH! You'd better be SCARED! –starts frothing at the mouth evilly- VICTORY WILL BE MINE! YOU WILL LOVE ME AND BOW DOWN TO THE WRAITH OF ALICE CULLEN 3! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

-Camera switches back to a recovered AG101-

AG101 – I really need to get her a life… UNTIL NEXT TIME MY LOVELY PRETTIES! –strokes imaginary pet- YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

Xoxo

Gossip AwesomeGirl101.

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**How was it? Review? Make my 2011?**

**THANK YOU GUYS!**

**Love always, Awesome Girl 101.**


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